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Bob's Your Uncool

by King's Cup

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1.
It's up in Melbourne Town I'm doing beer bongs for chases and I'm drinking VB on a regular basis the money is tight and I live at my mums house at the end of the night I got my dick in some chicks mouth and a bottle of red and a plastic tape recorder and I'm smoking cigarettes so my life keeps getting shorter reppin the buttoned shirts in the Macedon Ranges my nights a fucking blur I'm smoking reefers with strangers or I'm beating the dangers of a bank account with Westpac with no cash and no stash keep finding ways to get whacked big fucking trip I'll just stare at the ceiling I get the bitches on my dick when I rhyme about my feelings and my dealings with the banks they all get on top of me I lie awake at night planning a big fucking robbery and it bothers me it seems to be that youve won the lottery when the milk in my cereals a fucking commodity I got no friends so I sit at home puffing endo and Id pull an all nighter just to play my nintendo cause I'm still unemployed so everyday I get to sleep in but I cant even afford to buy the food that I'm eating and my kitchen appliances all have different alliances I always burn my toast and I have to call the fireman or I'm lying in my bed just having a good time or I'm fucked out of my head on some victimless crime I've got the wickedest lines the wittiest lines I'm a professional purveyor of your cheapest wines bitch and my pitch it aint so great I sing out of tune when I get up on stage and I never get paid more than the minimum wage just enough to get a pint and a ticket for the train so I can get to the place where my band is booked to play but the promoter cuts our quota cause he cant afford to pay
2.
Static 02:22
Well now the summer days they take me far away back when I was underage but we partied hard anyway and I say we're growing up each day but we're not and we're still smoking pot and I still remember all the reasons I dont like school but fuck it I still finished high school and I will never let my mum find out but at my school me and my friends got high at school and I'm staying up late with a couple of mates watching Obi-Wan Kenobi fighting crime in space I can quote every line to The Empire Stikes Back I played Tony Hawk cause it had a sick sound track Ive been down on the corner of my block at that pub I used to work at before I quit my job cause I'm the guy with the bucket and the mop and I clean the floors I fucking hate my boss but im not starting static tonight you can find me at the party on the microphone or you can find me in your garden shed smoking cones or at home making sure my garden grows or I'm stealing the end of Kelton's hose and DJ's now heres a reminder that my rhymes are spinning faster than the Hadron Collider and Ima kicking since '93 I'm gonna learn how to cook speed and if the coppers find out I dont give a fuck cause I'm not intimidated by pepper spray and handcuffs I stand tough screaming out fuck the police fuck Tony Abbot and legalise weed Ive been down on the corner of my block at that pub I used to work at before I quit my job cause I'm the guy with the bucket and the mop and I clean the floors I fucking hate my boss but im not starting static
3.
Bottle-O 05:32
From the heat waves up in Melbourne to the winters in Gisborne Im just trying to make peace with the life that I've been living but I've made some bad decisions and I'm not winning and I cant see straight man I'm seeing double visions I can tell you about the days when you feel so alone I can tell you about the nights you meet a girl and take her home the times you lose your phone the times you have to loan five dollars off your mates just to get back home or you cant afford to eat and youre still getting stoned or you havent got a ticket and there's PSO's and they know who you are and they know where you go cause the same cunce caught you like 3 weeks ago and sometimes it gets hard working 8 days a week in your factories and I can't sleep it feels like I'm dying Cause now the morning makes my head hurt and I spilled beer on my clean shirt I havent slept in my own bed for days and days And the only girls that I know work at the Gisborne bottle-o they know me by my first name and fuck Centrelink I just want money to drink I wanna get high and get laid and then throw up in your sink but I think that the drink is pulling us in and now I'm on the brink and I cant even swim I'm the guy at the party that everyone knows cause I'll break into your shed for a funnel and a hose and for all those who goes to the punk rock shows you all know how we're so incredibly broke and now I'll sleep in late on this hard wooden floor but it's like 10 past 8 and someone's mowing the lawns so I walk down to the store for a bottle of walkers and I pass my mates by the centrelink doors and sometimes it gets hard working 8 days a week in your factories and I can't sleep it feels like I'm dying Cause now the morning makes my head hurt and I spilled beer on my clean shirt I havent slept in my own bed for days and days And the only girls that I know work at the Gisborne bottle-o they know me by my first name I've got so many rhymes I just keep writing them down I got the reggae rock steady kingston sound with the beats up so loud man it's drowning you out I got the noise complaints coming up from the neighbours house I got friends in the drunk tank the rhymes down in 1 take a 5 string guitar and all the cash in my mums bank account and I doubt that she'll even find out that she paid a months rent for Kim and Daves house it's the cheap beer in Fitzroy the crime waves in Melton it's the kids on the street it's the people who help them it's the poor cunce in Footscray that just can't stay sober it's the the jams up in Sunbury and the chills down in Hobart and sometimes it gets hard working 8 days a week in your factories and I can't sleep it feels like I'm dying Cause now the morning makes my head hurt and I spilled beer on my clean shirt I havent slept in my own bed for days and days And the only girls that I know work at the Gisborne bottle-o they know me by my first name
4.
5.
Mum and Dad and Denny saw the passing-out parade at Puckapunyal It was a long march from cadets. The sixth battalion was the next to tour, and it was me who drew the card. We did Canungra, Shoalwater before we left. And Townsville lined the footpaths as we marched down to the quay This clipping from the paper shows us young and strong and clean. And there's me in my slouch hat with my SLR and greens. God help me, I was only nineteen. From Vung Tau, riding Chinooks, to the dust at Nui Dat I'd been in and out of choppers now for months. But we made our tents a home, VB and pinups on the lockers And an Agent Orange sunset through the scrub. And can you tell me, doctor, why I stil can't get to sleep? And night-time's just a jungle dark and a barking M16? And what's this rash that comes and goes, can you tell me what it means? God help me, I was only ninteen. A four week operation when each step could mean your last one on two legs It was a war within yourself. But you wouldn't let your mates down til they had you dusted off So you closed your eyes and thought about something else. Then someone yelled out "Contact!" and the bloke behind me swore We hooked in there for hours, then a Godalmighty roar Frankie kicked a mine the day that mankind kicked the moon, God help me, he was going home in June. I can still see Frankie, drinking tinnies in the Grand Hotel On a thirty-six hour rec leave in Vung Tau And I can still hear Frankie, lying screaming in the jungle Til the morphine came and killed the bloody row. And the Anzac legends didn't mention mud and blood and tears And the stories that my father told me never seemed quite real. I caught some pieces in my back that I didn't even feel God help me, I was only nineteen.
6.
Well these weeks I've got no sleep with the way that I've been living cause I've been up all night taking mushrooms in the kitchen and the sinks full of dishes from all the chemicals we're mixing and I'm trying not to listen but I still hear you bitching about your empty bank account as reality grows distant then it only takes an instant till I question my existence cause is this the business where art gets dangerous? nah in this job you have to suck dick to get famous cause it aint the way the game is pulling chicks and getting hell rich unless you win a contest for triple j's playlist every day the same shit I wake up feeling anxious I'm hungry cold and poor I spend my days getting wasted and basically just blatantly hating on the government I got the cook book but the book cooked my oven and I'm sick of all these rappers who take themselves so serious chill man and come and have a beer with us and now when I think back to my high school days with my high school mates and the blunts we blazed and the months and days huffing shit and drink driving and I still dont even have my license but I since realised that those days are beautiful rippin bucket bongs and fucked on pharmaceuticals sipping mushroom tea in public toilet cubicals stealing from Coles just became the usual way to get paid to get laid to get blazed spend the days in a haze with my criminal ways cause when the sun goes down I'm jumping your fence and I'm stealing all that shit in your garden shed cause I'm hard on the rent just living at my mums house trying to kill time smoking blunts with a 40oz maybe that it's time I get looking for a job soon I know the whole back catalogue of redtube (Wondermere)
7.
Oxford 02:31
She told me that I fucked up my whole life but I dont mind no I dont mind cause I'm alright I'm still alive I'll just get by I dont care cause I'm alright this shit is what we like to do I never cared too much for school making friends with the rejects in the toilets smoking cigarettes skip class smoke grass try not to laugh as the cops keep driving past there's always bottles on my floor I play nintendo 64 and Tony Hawk Pro Skater 1 Justin's always playing drums Kelton lives further down my street when I want something to eat I cook everybody meegz I get my clothes from charity I dont drink cheap wine anymore there's a mattress on my floor that I sleep on when I pass out from the beer bong and dream of all the shit I cant afford but who needs a job when theres banks to rob shit to steal and drugs to deal in a parking lot and I'm not getting out of bed today and when I walk the city streets I start thinking of the world when I try and go to sleep I keep on dreaming of this girl I watched star wars till my eyes were sore played video games with the kid next door and its just so fucking beautiful
8.
Now drink beers like there's no more water I'll get you up jumping like Anakin Skywalker cause Sammy brought the bass up high for ya and now I'm gonna do another rhyme for ya it goes K-I-N-G-S King's Cup gonna make you envious so pretend with us that you know how to sing youre gonna get schooled like Billy Madison and now Sammy got us kicked out of the espy but we've got cold beers in the esky and everybody likes dub step except me and when it comes to hockey I'm Wayne Gretzky with a beat up nose and two blackened eyes well your girlfriend thinks that I'm so fly we can spin shit like L Ron Hubbard we're 4 cunce tearing up the North West suburbs
9.
Well ever since I could remember its been reggae rock hip hop and I've been in the center cause the rhymes I write are shit hot but now I start to think that maybe I've been ripped off my friends are telling me it's time I get a real job so I dropped out of uni for employment opportunities but now I'm just broke looking for something new to be a talentless musician doesnt help me pull chicks I got a vision of the line outside of centrelink and everything I write I get accused of being plagiarized and when I try to sing I find that I get stage fright my carpet was real white till i knocked my beer over and I dont ever drive cause I'm never fucking sober Cause tonight we're gonna get fucked up with King's Cup on the mic whatsup and the party's going on alright then it stops and the bassline drops well there aint no party like a King's Cup party cause a King's Cup parties dope and how much dope would a woodchuck smoke if a woodchuck could smoke dope and I've broken my ankle and I've broken a few hearts but I've broken more strings on my acoustic guitar with the car stereo cranked up it's time to listen to King's Cup jamming up the PA system with the beats that I've been hitting and the songs that I've been spinning and the bongs that I've been rippin and the wisdom that I'm spittin but livin my life isnt like I pretend being unemployed means I never get a weekend I got no car and no girlfriend but I got 9 dollars and 63 cents Friday night we're the Chuggateers we smash the state and we smash some beers Cause tonight we're gonna get fucked up with King's Cup on the mic get fucked and the party's going on alright then it stops and the bassline drops
10.
Scrub 02:57

about

Our first album. 10 tracks recorded by Jacob Munnery June 2013 at Belbelo (Woodend)

1. Melbourne Town
2. Static
3. Bottle-O
4.New Shirt Dub
5. I Was Only 19 (Redgum)
6. 3 Guys 1 King's Cup (Ft. Wondermere)
7. Oxford
8. The Grog Delusion
9. King's Cup Party
10. Scrub

credits

released November 27, 2013

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King's Cup Melbourne, Australia

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